A Gaijin's Manual for Emergency Situations

So you've just landed in Japan, without having bothered to learn the language? Well, the first thing you should know, before setting forth on your loli-stalking and ramen-slurping adventure, are some basic tips for emergency situations - because we all know Japan has plenty of those: earthquakes, missile attacks, hell even alien invasions! Coming to the rescue of just such ignorant foreigners, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government is now offering an online "Emergency Manual", through a newly opened "Help Card" website.



Said website ca also be viewed on mobile phones, most naturally, and it provides the main emergency telephone numbers for Japan in general (119 "in the event of fire, illness or injury", and 110 "in the event of crime or accident") and for the Tokyo area in particular, some basic tips in case of earthquakes, and several helpful phrases (in romanized Japanese) to scream and shout in emergency situations.

Girls need not worry about memorizing all those terms, however. When in trouble, a really high-pitched "NYAAA!" should do the trick: a dozen creepy dudes are bound to jump at the prospect of rescuing a damsel in distress, sooner than she can mutter "toire o kashite moraemasen ka"...

This emergency announcement was brought to you by Mainichi Daily News - where politics, gang rapes and daily haikus coexist in perfect harmony with various other weird stories.