Hello, my name is Puchiko and I have issues. Nobody loves me, not even my god damn mom, all guys and gals at school bully me for no reason. Well, no reason at all. So that is why I have decided to shave my legs, put on a Stalin costume, and jump off o building while singing WMCA. This, my friends, is the result of some survey among high school students in Japan – it seems that one in four is suffering from depression. But, by all that is mighty, how can you possibly live in Japan and suffer from depression? The Health Ministry says it’s because of bullying, or because they are being isolated. At the said survey, questions like “Does life have no meaning to you?” topped the cake, while all kids hurried to give plenty of emo answers.

A total of 557 students answered all the questions. Of them, 24.6 percent or 137 students -- 59 boys and 78 girls -- might suffer from depression.

Not to mention that depression leads to suicide. OK, since we are so lovingly attached to Japanese people due to certain... conveniences, I have made a list of things to do to evade depression and to, eventualy, get away from a Higurashi-like scenario (which, no matter how lolicious is, becomes surprisingly sick after the first three buckets of tears blood).

1. Download pr0n. For beginners, any kind of pr0n will do. Be it scatophilic, be it normal or lesbian, no matter – just get your God damn porn. You’ll figure out what to do with it in about 5 minutes of loneliness.
2. Install World of Warcraft. If you are a guy or girl with absolutely no personal life, this will not hurt your schedule one bit. It’s a fun game, you’ll get to meet all these kinds of nice gold farmers, bots and gold sellers, most of them asian, so you can „ni hao” them all day long. Then, you can roll a Hunter and climb on buildings, one-shotting lowbies just for the fun of it. Or you can roll a Paladin and become even more imbecile than you are right now.
3. GET A FUCKING JOB. I’d link Wikipedia for the definition of this strange world, but I’m to lazy to do it. Long story short, working involves doing stuff for other people that spit in your ear, stuff that, eventually, earns you money. With money you can, of course, buy even more porn.
4. Start drinking. My personal favourite. I allways drench myself in alcohol whenever I get the chance, be it in front of the TV, with friends (another Wikipedia-worthwhile word), or while masturbating on some random underaged anime chick. Au contraire to what evil people tell you, alcohol does *NOT* affect your liver in any way, it is actually a benefic toxin substance that prolongs your youth and makes your penis bigger. Or your vagina more delicious.
5. Become an otaku. Easiest way to avoid depression is to be depressed and not to give a shit about it. Whenever you feel like jumping in hot lava, just take a look at that gorgeous Chiyochan poster on the wall, feel the boner and *poof!* depression vanishes almost as fast as the credibility of George „I’ve got Allzeihmer” Bush. Not to mention all those illegal terrabytes of anime you can downoad via the internets.

There now, see? Easy as pie. With just a little patience, Japan’s teenagers can live a day or two longer.

LATER EDIT:
The name Puchiko was randomly chosen. It has absolutely no correlation whatsoever with the fact that my pedo comrade's World Of Warcraft character is named that way. Or with the fact that he plays a paladin. Or that he has crappy gear and couldn't keep me alive even if Chi chan's life was at stake.