A worker at a building in Tokyo finally met his doom, after plunging like a blind horse full of sedatives into an open elevator shaft, supposedly believing that the said elevator has already arrived. Ok, now this is just something I cannot and will not belive, unless I would be bribed or blackmailed. There are certain theories that I would like to share with you about the common “oh dear, I stepped in an eight-story elevator, but, oops, it wasn’t there yet” happenings. Because it happens a lot.

1. The man was totally wasted. Working in constructions tends to push people towards more… hedonistic activities, such as soaking their brains in alcohol, getting their heads in a half-filled barrel of cocaine or smoking pots until the famous pink little dots (in certain cases, famous little anime chicks) turn into Jan-Claude Van Damme wearing a tutu and dancing happily on WMCA.

2. The man committed suicide. Life is hard, no doubt about it. The family is poor, the tiny Japanese geisha wife cheats his ass with his twenty-five best friends, and his little girl that just turned 12 has signed an exclusivity contract with Hustler’s most horny males.

3. The man was murdered. As in, pushed. By whom, it does not really matter, but a number of kick-ass motives can always be found, in such a busy little town like Tokyo. For once, there could be a big fortune the guy inherited from his late grandma, of witch he had absolutely no idea it existed. Angry mobs of relatives, mad on his good fortune, marched stealthed to his working place, making sure that he would sign his testament of good will and faith, before raping him and throwing him in the elevator shaft.

Enough ranting. What am I trying to say is that is NEARLY impossible for one to fall to death, just like that, without any viable explanation. I am imagining him, right now in Purgatory, being asked by some random pink diety how did he manage to perform such an astounding act of bravery. His answer? “I had lag, lolz.”